Goals and Downfalls #DearDiary

I hope that you, my reader, may pardon me as I don't know how to write without using my simple but complicated life as an example. I think I am selfish at times because of taking advantage of your time just to rant or maybe reflect on some shit.

If I overshare, do find it in your heart to forgive me...

Moving on... I had one of those long confusing days, today. The days you as a human being gets to implicate your soul by choosing which mood it should be adorning among many. Ranging from feeling like you should be appreciative of some major thing that is happening and the misery of watching fellow human beings try to bring you down.

The beautiful side of the day...

Even though I had to wait for my boss as she battled with traffic jam on the other side of the town for one and a half hours and in the process deal with a policeman who felt it was his duty to check if I was carrying bombs, I got a chance to get to United Nations headquarters in Nairobi. I was there to confirm that I will be speaking next week on Wednesday about corruption and its undeniable contribution to the dysfunctionality in correction facilities in Kenya.

I am representing my boss who will be in the United Kingdom to pick up her award from a fleet of organizations who want to recognize her efforts. And being among those who have suffered because corruption and inequality, it will be a true honor to make my mark on such a platform.

The ugly side of it...

Imagine having to meet someone you truly admire and dream to be like when shit works out for you then have them criticize you on the low while wearing one of those sarcastic judgemental smiles. Imagine having to listen to them hammer how you are not trying enough yet you are so worth more. These half-baked assessments come even as they don't know shit about you or your journey or what it cost you to stand before them with a half smile.

It happened to me today.

I literary listened to a lady drag me down all in the name of she was trying to 'inspire me.' I felt attacked rather motivated to change what she called a stagnated approach to life. In other words, I wasn't moving 'forward' fast enough. And according to her, I needed to feed my children with carbohydrates alone to save the groceries money to reach my goals faster.

Imagine that!

It made me think not everyone successful should be viewed as an aspiration as their ways can be a mental cage. Why would I risk my children's vitamins for savings? Or isn't that as the same as saving for a hospital because you have a clue they will end up there soon if you don't feed them appropriately?

It also reminded me why I choose not to digest someone's expectations over my life as I am the one living it not them. That even though I might not get a chance to argue how hard I work or I have worked for the half smile on my face or whatever dust there is in my pockets, I myself know and understand that I have made progress.

It reminded me again that yes, women are the reason most women are still dragging behind because we walk all over each other every little chance power or money gives us. I hope to never let my soul be that person.