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The long road

lindahasPosted for Everyone to comment on, 5 years ago3 min read

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©2019 - A writer

Today I took the long way home and, for the life of me, it was less tiring than the one I know and walk every day. Winter loved me preciously tonight. It covered my face and melted my heart. The droplets of white turned into tiny streaks, the world crying on my face. My hair turned grey for the first time in my life. If only until I walked through the door of my humble adobe.

I wandered the streets quiet and dark, wondering if I was not truly lost. There were dragons in front of me, huffing and puffing. They came and they went as my breath froze in the air. Am I old? Am I young? What is this world without a childish wonder? Who am I if I never yonder? And truly, really and undoubtedly, have I been in this state forever? An adult haze of responsibilities and sparks that have long burned out?

This feeling of utter innocence and uncalled for happiness for the tiniest of things in life. This appreciation of any little droplet of positive vibes. A ''thank you''. A kiss from your loved ones. A tiny gift from your smallest of cousins. They are but nothing for most of our souls. A grain in the wind, small and forgotten. A tiny flash of light replaced by our everyday worries.

Who have we become? Or is it just me? I feel so awake now, like the force of lightning startled my soul completely. But it was no light or sound this time. The opposite, really. The cold and calm winter night hit me like a freight train and now I sit here, in front of the burning coals that warm my frozen toes. I sit dumbstruck and thoughtful. Alone even when I have my family right here and now.

I realize my misery, I realize my stone cold face. It was all because I extinguished the light in my heart. I decided to be a human with a stone heart. I closed off my soul not to get burned, I gave up my dreams and they took away with my happiness. Hand in hand. Not to step out of line. I wanted the security, I feared to lose my gold. I grasped at straws and killed my inner demons and angels alike. I became grey and alone. An island.

I would do it all again, just for the sake of those that I care for. I would give up anything for them. But I do not have to. I am strong and the world is mine. The winter cold and heavy showed me that. I saw the first snow in what felt like a lifetime. I remembered the burning hunger that used to live inside my breast. I sat down on the chair, in front of a cold fireplace and lighted it once more. It took me a while but the coals are burning now.


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