The Daily Diary Question: What's your first memory or how did you meet your first boyfriend or girlfriend?

It was a brown rug. 70's style. Thick and bushy. It was what my mother's old house had before someone (not sure who) thought it would look better without the rug... and it didn't because we couldn't afford to strip the glue and reseal the floor. Then again, maybe we couldn't afford a vacuum to clean it in the first place.

But my real first memory - one which I remember reflecting on afterwards - was when I lit the toilet paper in the bathroom trash can on fire (out of pure curiosity, mind). Nothing bad happened because the waste basket was made of metal, thus why I thought it'd be safe. My older sister snuffed it out. I think the lesson I retained was to never light toilet paper on fire ever. Also, I don't remember being punished. With how scared everyone was, I figured once was enough.

I "dated"my first boyfriend because I liked another guy, and wanted him to admit he had feelings for me. I think my friend who hooked me up actually wanted me to get over him, but I had gotten impatient by my senior year and just wanted something reciprocated. I even stated before beginning the fake relationship that I already had a crush, and I wouldn't be changing my mind.

Many (many, many) things have happened as a result of this lack of brain cells. I both lied and trusted a guy would logically follow this plan. It's been 12 years since then, and I'd like to say I've reflected on this enough to accept it as a permanent flaw in my character. My sense of love is very selfish - I don't fake admiration for the sake of another's self-worth: I dish out a full serving only when I think you deserve it... there's a lot of factors for that and a list too complicated to get into here.