I just have to tell you that this is the shit for my morning coffee. After a long night of scratching my ass, I find myself yearning to get up and press a fresh pot with this bad girl.

I have had 6-7 coffee presses since I started drinking coffee because I thought it was pretty fucking wasteful to keep using the Keurig machine that we had. It pissed me off at how much shit went into our local dump. To me, it was far more ecologically sound to get one fucking thing and use it forever.

It probably would have been, if the cocksuckers hadn't kept breaking.

I remember seeing this shiny bastard in a fancy kitchen shop for $100 and scoffing at the shopkeeper over the price.

"Like I'm going to pay $100 to be able to make coffee. I'll take the $30 Kenya instead.

Now, to be fair, this was my favorite coffee maker up until the beaker broke out of it in the sink. It was a few years ago that I bought it, and I see that they have gotten a lot cheaper since then, so if you are balking at spending a lot on a coffee press, or you aren't as fucking clumsy as I am, then you can't go wrong with this one.

Back to the Columbia.

The thing I love the most about it, aside from it not being as fragile as Donald Trump's ego, is the fact that the coffee stays hot for a long time in it.

How long, you are probably wondering? Well, I measured the temperature with our candy thermometer after it was done steeping, and then after thirty minutes when I went back for my second mug.

It only dropped 11°F(7°C)in half an hour! That's fucking impressive to anyone who uses a glass carafe. I used to try and guzzle it right from the press before, just so that it wasn't piss warm by the second cup.

You're probably asking yourself what the goddamn drawbacks are to this shiny motherfucker. Well, the only thing I can see being a possible problem is the press assembly. It's stainless steel, rubber, and plastic, so there is a possibility that it could break, or need to have parts replaced on it, but I've used mine at least once daily for over two years now and can't see any signs of wear. Even if you are a fucking roid raging he-man, I can't see you doing more than wrecking the screen from shoving the plunger down like it was a $30 hooker.

So all in all, if you are serious about your coffee, and you are sick of buying new glass, I would totally suggest picking up one of these fuckers. In reality, it should last you the rest of your life if you make your coffee in a normal, easy going manner.

This is the Columbia on amazon.com Bodum COLUMBIA Coffee Maker, Thermal French Press Coffee Maker, Stainless Steel, 34 Ounces

It's an affiliate link, which means that I will receive a commission if you choose to buy it through this link. It doesn't cost anything extra for you, but if you want to compare or fuck me out of the commission, you can get it at this non-affiliate link. Bodum Columbia

The Beast

I'm really just phoning this one in. My name is @profanereviews because I like to do profane reviews. I was sick of seeing people do all these ass-kissing, nicey-nice reviews of products in hopes that more people would give them free shit to review. "Buy your own shit and review it like you would tell your friends about it, Fuckface" I would scream at my Amazon screen. Then my wife would come in and force feed me some pot brownies and chamomile tea in hopes that I would stop scaring the kids.

Anyhow, I love it and it is part of who I am so I include it in #thebeast. If there is anything you think I should review, let me know. I review anything I can afford.