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Mmmm, Quorn!

meesterboomPosted for Everyone to comment on, 5 years ago3 min read

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Since the good lady popped out the baby in her belly I was kinda hoping that our eating habits could get slightly back to normal. After all the no I can't eat this or that nonsense. I had my eyes on making us a Korean style spicy prawn'y dish and was getting my dander in a froth just thinking about it.

Sadly, my hopes have been dashed on the cruel rocks of fate by the good lady experiencing some manner of bizarre, post-natal, altered taste buds syndrome. It beggars belief. Throughout her entire pregnancy, she had not a single craving. Not one.

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That has all changed. This afternoon I stared at her through bloodshot eyes and asked what she would like for dinner.

Dinner? Mmm, you know I would really like a curry.

Oh man, now she was talking. I am the curry man! Spicy hot mad devilish curry! That's what we needed. That would shake things up. The spice cupboard beckoned me with its siren song and already I could see the chillis I would put in it.

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Curry! Yeah baby. Let's do it! What kind? You fancy chicken? Fish? You name it and it is YOURS!

She thought for a moment. Then her eyes lit up.

Quorn!

What?

Do we have Quorn? I would love a Quorn curry!

Quorn. Flaccid little cubes of stink. I can think of nothing worse to cook with. People have this romantic idea that Quorn is like mushrooms instead of some slimy fetid mook that is grown in vats. Some people also like to think that you can't tell the difference between Quorn and real meat. These people tend not to eat meat.

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You sure? We have chicken? Lots and lots of chicken. Mmm I would love chicken!

No, Quorn. I really want Quorn. Mmm, quite the craving for it. Make it spicy!

Spicy Quorn curry. Gotcha.

I slunk off to the kitchen. I contemplated cutting cooked chicken into little cubes and telling her it was Quorn's new product Quicken but I didn't think she would fall for it. I got to cooking. I am a mean cook. at the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I am genuinely awesome in the kitchen. But Quorn. Meh.

Later I served her her Quorn Curry. I had done my best with the little cubes of mankyness but it still tasted of how I imagine that fake boob stuffing would taste.

She tucked into it. I bought out my own dinner. She smelled it and looked over and her eyes almost popped out of her head at the luscious glossy dark beef curry I had made.

You made two dishes?

I gave a crocodile grin.

Hell yeah baby. Enjoy your Quorn.

We ate in happy silence. Well, my silence certainly was.

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This post was originally posted on my blog on Steemit many moons ago. As you can see from my fondness for selfie art it, is me. If there is any further proof required I will be happy to give it, even if that proof needs be BLOOD!

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