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Filipino Jokes Translated for Western Tastes Part 31 (My Entry for Comedy Open Mic - Round 12)

darthnavaPosted for Everyone to comment on, 5 years ago3 min read

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Good day, my fellow Steemers and Whalesharers! This is the 31st part of my series post about local Filipino jokes which I have translated for people of the English language. Please check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, and 30. Please read and pick the ones you like best. Tell me in the comments section on why you liked it.

I think nobody in Steemit and Whaleshares has done this kind of post series before. So I took it upon myself to do it even if you think it might not be popular or profitable. I just wanted to be the first to do this kind of thing. It would be up to you to decide, my fellow readers, if I was successful or not.

There are still a lot more Filipino local jokes that we need to be translating. These jokes are the products of the Filipinos' creativity, ingenuity, and love of social drinking.

Read and enjoy!



The unwell

Meanwhile in a mental institution...

DOCTOR: I see that you are mentally well. You have saved your friend from suicide by drowning! Unfortunately, he hanged himself in the bathroom!
MENTAL PATIENT: No, Doctor. I hanged him there because he was wet from almost drowning!


The fantasy

Pixabay

BRUNO: Buddy, what's your biggest fantasy?
JOHN: To be kissed by someone, buddy. And you?
BRUNO: To be...That someone, buddy!


Wrong video disc

JOHN: I'm going to return this DVD movie to the video store! It is all just one music, one pic and no movie at all!
PETER: I told you not to buy them pirated DVD's! Wait, what's the title of the DVD?
JOHN: The Lens Cleaner!


Ghost

JOHNNY: Dad, is it true that there's a ghost in the kitchen?
DAD: Who told you that, son?
JOHNNY: Mommy said so!
DAD: Oh, don't ever believe that foolishness! Why don't you come with me and keep me company in the kitchen? I need to drink a glass of water!


Pretty or ugly?

A vain wife was flirting with her husband.

WIFE: Tell me, dear. Am I pretty or ugly?
HUSBAND: I think both.
WIFE: (Surprised) What do you mean by both?
HUSBAND: Well, I think you are pretty ugly!


The remedy

Pixabay

An employee calls his boss on the phone.

EMPLOYEE: Boss, I cannot report for work. I am sorry but I am sick.
BOSS: When I am sick, I have sex with my wife. Try it!

2 hours later...

EMPLOYEE:(calling back) It worked, Boss! I feel alright now! By the way, you got a nice house and pretty wife!


Your face

WIFE: You bastard! You are always coming home drunk! I am getting irritated looking at your face!
HUSBAND: But, dear, If I'm not drunk, I get irritated looking at you too!




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