Unconscious Rambling | Healing Process

I have tears in my eyes.
Shinny liquid pulling at the corners
Of that beautiful part of me.
Stinging as they crawl
Like fat balls down my cheeks.

They're hot as I wipe in frustration.
I’m letting them fall.
Allowing them move past my jaw
And down my throat.
The irregular patterns no longer bother me.
I have needs for appearance s no more.

My heart is full.
I begin to talk but words fail.
They come out jumbled,
Broken like an old piece of furniture.

My voice crack as I try to speak.
Maybe from keeping quiet for so long,
Or from exhaustion threatening to overwhelm.
I’ve always loved the silence,
Even when I try and fail to meditate.
I love it still.
Just me and nothingness.

There’s a lump in my throat.
Not from love or new found feelings,
Rather, from old pain ignored.
Past hurt shoved into the dark.
Swallowed like a hot liquid,
Forgotten like an unfinished liquor.

They’re all back to the surface
I’m neither ignoring nor encouraging.
I'm floating around in emptiness.
It bites my stomach day and night.
I’m too tired to fight back.

Maybe this tears would wipe it all away
And I get to start anew.
Maybe it would keep it all within reach,
Where I won’t be able to escape.

I’ve resigned everything to fate.
I live by the day,
Waking in the morning,
Going to bed at night.
The dreams steals in and out of my sleep,
But they don’t scare me anymore.
I will myself to forget at dawn.

Been a while I did some poetry. How are you? Yes, you reading this.

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